she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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