rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
we made out on top of his cat.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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