fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Randomize
