He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
