Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
