I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
