Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
