If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
tell me about the fingering
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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