i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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