HIV tests are more positive than that guy
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Boobs speak an international language.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
