I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
