Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
