You smell like stripper and shame
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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