you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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