Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
