god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
