i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
