i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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