For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
