No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
