bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Rumble strips road head = magical
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
