imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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