she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
