at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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