apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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