chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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