Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize
