So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
