Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
