i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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