how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
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