Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
even my farts smell like vagina
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
