I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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