i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
