3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
