i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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