We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
