WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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