If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
worst night to have a conscience
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
