i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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