I just threw up on my dentist
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
