I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
