I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
