You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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