bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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