I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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