Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
