Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
