I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Randomize
