Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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