I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
