dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
