I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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