I'm really into asian looking animals
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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