The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
